Why I Don't Read Parenting Books
Ever since I was a kid, I've loved books. I wasn't much of a napper, so while my siblings were sleeping away during nap time, my mom would just put me in my crib or bed (whatever I was in at the time) with a bunch of books and I'd be content with that until nap time was done. My love of reading did not lessen as I got older. If anything, it only grew. I was a TOTAL nerd as a kid (still am!) and recall reading Little Women in 3rd grade, just because I wanted to read a long book. People, that is a 500 page book! Total freak of nature, I know.
As I got older, my taste in books changed, and I'd go in phases where I would read a whole slew of Jodi Piccoult books, and then every Gregory Maguire (author of Wicked) book I could get my hands on. A few years back, I fell in love with all things Phillippa Gregory (she writes British historical fiction) after reading The Other Boleyn Girl and proceeded to read everything she'd ever written. I'm a sucker for series books (think The Hunger Games and Divergent trilogies) too. Currently, I'm reading What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty and loving it (yes, it's taking me MONTHS to get through it due to having 2 small humans that take up a lot of my time!). Everything I've mentioned so far are works of fiction, but I will gobble up non-fiction books as well. I love memoirs and personal stories. I like reading how-to type things. I even read What to Expect When You're Expecting when I was pregnant with Annabelle.
But I don't read parenting books.
I can honestly say I've not opened ONE parenting book. I read MOST of What to Expect When You're Expecting, but in all honesty, I stopped when it got to about 9 months pregnant. I didn't even read about creating a birth plan, nor did I actually create a birth plan. I know, GASP!
For someone who loves to read and loves being a parent, you'd think I would LOVE parenting books, as it's a pretty perfect combination, right? I should be geeked out by spending hours immersing myself in this information and using it to help my kids grow into happy, loving children, all the while learning how to be the best parent I can be. But I don't, and here's why.
There are SO many parenting books available. They touch on sleeping, feeding, pooping, playing, walking, talking, discipline and pretty much everything in between. That is a LOT of information available. And I'm not saying that it's not a great thing that there is so much literature out there. It really is great for people that want to read about it. To me though, it's overwhelming. I don't even know where I would start. Would a read an all-encompassing book about all things baby? Would I want to focus on socialization? Sleep? Discipline? Feeding? To me, it's a lot to digest and I honestly would feel a bit paralyzed as to where to start.
That's not the only reason I don't read parenting books though. For me (and I'm not judging - I know everyone is different), I prefer to learn as I go and also learn from other moms (I don't read parenting books, but I LOVE reading real life stories on other mom blogs). I think I have a pretty good Mom-gut, and I feel like I know what's best for our kids. When we had Annabelle, my birth plan was the "No-Plan Plan." Both Dan and I are the type of people who like to have things go according to plan, and get a bit frazzled when they don't. The last thing I wanted for the birth of our first child was to be so upset that things didn't go according to our plan that I couldn't enjoy this life changing event as much as I'd like to. It turned out to be an awesome decision because Annabelle's birth was a bit rocky and NOTHING (aside from the epidural) went as we thought it would. I truly think not having a birth plan made a huge difference in managing our emotions. For those of you not familiar, this is a picture of her wearing a special hat. Moments before that photo was taken, the nurses removed the CPAP that was helping her breath so we could get a photo of her face without anything on it:
As far as actual parenting goes, I'm taking the same approach. I think that you can read all the books, advice columns, and studies in the world about when your child should reach a certain developmental milestone, what and how soon they should eat, how they should interact with other kids, etc., but at the end of the day, the likelihood of anything happening EXACTLY as you read about it happening, well, it's close to zero. Especially if you have more than one child. Maybe you read a book and did everything that it suggested with your first. Your second comes along and you decided to do it the same way, because it worked exactly as they said it would in the book! Imagine your frustration and disappointment when your precious second born is NOTHING like your first. All of that literature goes out the window.
Every child is different and has their own unique personality and development curve. Had I pored over parenting books like I did other books when I was younger, or spend a lot of time researching different things about child rearing, I don't think I would be the same parent that I am today. And I really like the parent I am right now. I am completely comfortable with letting my girls grow at their own pace. I don't stress out if something isn't happening when it "should." It's so easy to fall into the trap of worrying about your kids if they are not doing something the "experts" say they should be at a specific age. That has got to be a really stressful situation as a parent, and it's not like you don't have enough to stress about already, just going about your daily tasks. At the end of the day, I know our kids will eventually get to that next milestone. I firmly believe that our kids can feel our energy, and if I'm constantly reading about what they should be doing or how I should be parenting, and it doesn't go according to plan, I think they can feel that stress. There is enough comparison that happens in society today; I don't want my kids growing up thinking that I'm constantly comparing them to other kids, or measuring myself up to other parents. Do I still do it sometimes? Sure. I think it's a completely natural human thing to do. But I don't let myself get swallowed up in it, and that helps me to be more present for our girls.
I think every parent knows their kids best, and what how they want to parent. For some, it's reading every parenting book and article they can get their hands on, and there's nothing wrong with that. For others, like us, it's staying away from that and taking a more go-with-the-flow approach. It's all about what works best for your family, and this is what is working for ours. And I love it, because it helps me really appreciate our girls, the new things they are learning, and the ways in which they are growing because I have no pre-conceived or super specific idea of how it should be. Regardless of how you decide to parent, whether or not you read a book or immerse yourself in all the details of a particular study, you know what is working for your family, and that's really what it's all about. Parenting books or no parenting books, I want my kids to grow up to be happy, healthy, and kind. Based on these faces and the love they show us each in their own way, I think we've gotten off to a pretty good start.
