My Husband Doesn't Love Playing With Our Kids...And Why I Appreciate Him For It

Our kids are busy. Well, Annabelle is busy. Eloise still just kind of sits there. But as a parent, I know I can't just leave her there, she needs to be stimulated equally as much as her sister, just in different ways.

Before Eloise was born, Dan and I outnumbered our kids, so it was a lot of switching on and off as far as child entertainment goes, depending on the activity. Annabelle has always been very independently entertained and often times is still perfectly content playing in her pretend kitchen, or sitting at her little play table in the living room imagining who knows what. This is not to say she doesn't want to play with us - not by a long shot! She plays independently, but she's also at the age where she really likes interaction and looks to us a lot to keep her entertained and engaged.

And then there is sweet little Eloise. She's obviously not mobile yet - with the exception of rolling, but she's not moving anywhere quickly - so I guess you could say it's less physically demanding to keep her entertained. However, she's almost 5 months old now...gone are the days where she'd be happy looking at a mobile or hanging toys for hours! She needs to be engaged just as much as her sister, and since she can't go find things to look at or toys to play with by herself, it's on us as parents to make sure she is exploring and engaged with new things.

Who knew that there is so much that goes into playing with your kids? As an outsider looking in, you'd probably think that playing with kids is a piece of cake. You're PLAYING, right? Far from it. Sure, it's fun, but making sure one child is intellectually and physically stimulated through play is hard, because they are constantly growing so you need to stay on top of it and provide them with activities that mature as they do. Add another child of a different age and developmental stage to the mix and it is a whole new ball game! Finding different activities that are appropriate for BOTH girls is kind of like piecing together a puzzle with no edges to start with - you know you have to start somewhere because you have to do it, but it takes some thinking. And as a parent, you have to do this every. Single. Day. It can be mentally draining.

Which is why my husband doesn't love playing with our kids. This is not a forum for me to complain about his level of involvement in playing with the girls. Nor am I saying that he doesn't play with our kids at all - he certainly does! It's just mentally draining for him. We both work outside the home, but his job is much more involved than mine - it not only takes a lot of brain power figuring out all of the intricacies of the different teams he manages, as well as how they interact with other departments at the company where he works, but he's a people manager as well. Anyone who is an introvert knows how mentally draining being a people manager can be, even if you love doing it. It's just mentally exhausting sometimes. Also, his days are always longer than 8 hours. He leaves the house before I do and gets back after I do. And I take the girls to daycare, which adds at 15 minutes each way, meaning he's working THAT much longer. So I appreciate that he works incredibly hard and is exhausted after being at work all day.

Does he sit down and just relax when he gets home? Does he lay around and watch football all weekend while I'm playing with the girls, or taking them on an outing? No way. Not by a long shot. Sure, sometimes I tell him to just take a break and relax and I'll take the girls somewhere. Which he actually does about 10% of the time I tell him to. The rest of the time he is busy being the "behind the scenes" parent. He does more to keep our household running smoothly than most spouses I know. Off the top of my head, here are only a few of the things he does:

Laundry - Dan does the whole laundry process from start to finish. Separates lights and darks, changes the loads, folds clothes, etc. If the girls are entertained or napping, I will jump in and help fold all the tiny human articles of clothing if/when I can, but that's never guaranteed. Laundry day is on Sunday at our house, and I'm not joking when I say it takes all day. And he does it all.

Grocery shopping - I write out the list, he goes and gets it. Sometimes one of the girls is sleeping (so I can have some semi-quiet time), sometimes they're both awake. It doesn't really matter though, because him going grocery shopping is one less thing I have to try and figure out how to do.

Finances - My husband is wildly intelligent. And he loves spreadsheets. He has our budget detailed in an elaborate spreadsheet. He knows how much we should spend, on what, what projects we have enough saved towards that we can finally do (new roof and fixed chimney were the big ones this summer), and all things money related. We discuss the budget and make money decisions together, of course, but he manages it.

Cleaning - Dan loves a tidy house. Contrary to most male/female couples, he is more far more clean than I am. Trust me on this one. If you compared our dresser drawers and closets, you would be able to tell a stark difference, and mine is NOT the cleaner one. Not even close. This is a huge benefit to us, because our kitchen and living areas are pretty tidy most of the time. I can't count how many times people have come into our house and said "Is your house ALWAYS this clean?" It's not ALWAYS clean, but because of Dan, we do try and keep it as tidy as we can and not let things build up. Before we met, I was the tidy-up-every-now-and-then kind of person. I'm not nearly to where Dan is yet, but I will say I'm getting better!

Chores - Mowing the lawn in the summer/snowblowing the driveway and sidewalks in the winter. Cleaning up dishes after dinner. Washing bottles and preparing them for daycare the next day. Taking the trash out. Organizing the garage. I could go on and on. Basically everything else that keeps the house organized and running smoothly - he does.

Bedtime - Until the girls have a more similar bedtime routine, after baths, I put Eloise to bed and Dan puts Annabelle to bed. So after doing ALL the things that he does all day, whether it's during the week or on the weekend, he also will get Annie ready for bed - teeth brushed, pajamas on, stories read.

So the next time you see photos of a parent doing things by themselves and their two kids like this...

...or if you see one parent out and about doing something on the weekend with their kids and the other parent is not there, like this...

...take a minute and remember this post. I'm not saying all parents do things the way we do. I'm just saying that there are great parents out there, like Dan, that even if they aren't always out doing the "fun" things or always getting down on the floor playing with the kids every day, it doesn't mean they aren't an equal partner or love their kids any less than the parent that is doing those things. We found what works for us as a family, and I actually think I got the better end of the deal because I get to be with our girls so much. Sure, it's exhausting and it also means that I'm the one usually dealing with the temper tantrums, meltdowns, nighttime feedings, etc. And of course there are some days where I would rather fold laundry (those would be the days after a night of minimal sleep!), but while it's tiring, I genuinely have fun doing different activities with the girls, whether it's going to the Animal Park or mixing up the ingredients to make some breakfast balls. And we still do a lot of things together as a family too, so I certainly don't want anyone to think otherwise.

I count my blessings every day, and one of those blessings is that I married a man that does all this behind the scenes work so that I can enjoy these moments with our girls. That's why I could care less that my husband doesn't love playing with our kids. If it means that at the end of the day, we can all have a little bit more energy to enjoy each other, I'll take it. Every single time.

#Family #Husband #Playing #FamilyDynamics