You've Got This (And Other Things I Want to Say)
I've been wanting to blog more often, but truth be told, at 36 weeks pregnant this week, when the girls go down for a nap and I check things off of my to do list (you know, the things that are a million times easier to do if they aren't "helping,"), all I want to do is veg out for a hot second. And so I let myself do just that. Which brings me to today's post.
I actually had no intention of blogging today. My parents usually take the girls on
Thursday mornings, so that's when I try to get more things done, like finish up the laundry I didn't get to the day before, go grocery shopping, pay bills, etc. You know, "fun" adult stuff. And I did all of that this morning. When I picked the girls up, my mom said they were great, as usual, but only slept about 40 minutes (20 minutes on the way out to my Grandma's and 20 minutes back.) FORTY MINUTES. I thought to myself, "Jesus, take the wheel. We are in for a bear of an afternoon." But we came home, made some banana muffins, and by either the grace of God or a stroke of luck (or both), I was able to get them both down for a nap. Granted, it is a LATE nap, so it's likely I'll have to wake them up in a but but I'll take it. After cleaning up the kitchen from our baking escapades, I decided, on a whim, so sit down and write.
And it feels good!
It's totally on a whim, not pre-planned or anything, so work with me here people. What I really wanted to title this blog was something more along the lines of, "I might seem like I have my shit together 24/7, but I don't." Why am I saying this? It's going to sound for a second like I'm bragging here, but bear with me because I'll get to the point.
It seems like lately, I've heard a lot of people say that they give me a lot credit or admire me. I get a lot of, "I don't know how you do it" or "You make it all look so easy" comments, primarily centered around being a stay at home mom of a 1 and 2 year old and being 9 months pregnant to boot. I'm not discounting appearances, or how hard I work at this, because I work HARD. If you've read my previous posts, you know I work really hard at giving the kids lots of experiences, both at home and outside of the house. I try to keep the house picked up and clean on a daily/weekly basis (depending of course on the chore). And I overall just want the kids to learn and have fun. And yes, I try to do it all with a grain of salt.
Trust me, I'm not always that put together, or that chill. Dan and I have been blessed with 2 overall very well-behaved kids thus far. I'd like to think that part of it is how we parent, but I know another part of it is just their personalities. So when we are out in public, they are USUALLY pretty well behaved, which makes a huge difference as a parent, especially as a stay at home parent who likes to get her kids out of the house on a regular basis. When they are tired, or hungry, or just have had enough though, things aren't so "chill." Both of the girls are creatures of routine, so when that gets thrown off, especially for a few days, it takes twice as long to get them back to a normal place. A few weeks back, we had a family reunion weekend AND moved both of the girls into the same room. Between all of these disruptions to routines (nap schedules thrown off, lots of people - and FUN!), I kid you not, it took a good week for Annie to return to her usual self.
What does her not usual self look like? Temper tantrums. I'm talking tantrums prior to 8am and before we even get downstairs for breakfast. Kicking. Screaming (as in her face gets that crazy look and goes red). Fighting me EVERY. STEP. OF. THE. WAY. And it's effing exhausting. I think I cried every single day last week. Whether it was in the morning, thinking, "I cannot do this all day long," or in the evening after they'd gone to bed, where my thinking would then jump to "How in the world am I going to do this with a newborn after Dan goes back to work?!?!?", I had a ton of breakdown moments. And Dan, bless his heart, after working just as hard all day at work, is always there to tell me to sit down, put my feet up, and take it easy. Sure, not every week is like that, but there are moments in every single day that test my patience and resolve.
So I guess, the real point of this blog is for those of you out there, parents or not, to know that YOU'VE GOT THIS. Whatever your "this" is, you can do it. They say comparison is the thief of joy, so don't compare yourself to others. Everyone has their own stuff. Just because I post on social media the fun stuff that I or we do with the girls, doesn't mean I don't crash HARD at the end of every day. (Trust me, you don't want to see that!) And that's just one example. Freaking out about being a SAHM to 3 kids under 3? That's my current "this." And yes, I know it pales in comparison to what a lot of other people have going on in their lives. Whatever yours is, just know that YOU were chosen to have it (sometimes for reasons we will never know), and YOU are strong enough for whatever it is.
And if it comforts you at all to know that I lose my shit on a regular basis, whether internally or externally, then I will have accomplished something by writing this blog. We all have our moments, and that's OK.