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Chasing Super-Mom Status And Why I Need to Aim For Real Mom Status Instead


Twice in the past few days, on two separate occasions in two totally unrelated contexts, I've been told I'm a Super Mom. And I'll be honest, I LOVE it when people tell me that, because I feel like I was born to be a Mom. So when someone tells me that I'm SUPER at it, well, it makes me feel really proud of myself! And I know I should be proud. I have two children under the age of two who are happy, well-adjusted kids.

But some days, particularly, this week, I am Just. Not. Feeling. It. I am SO tired. So very very tired. Annie is cutting some teeth and has her hands in her mouth constantly, so it's clear she's in pain. She used to sleep through the night without making a peep, and now, every few nights, she cries out. Most of the time she is still asleep, but since it's so unusual for her to cry out, one of us will go in and comfort her if she does it continually. She's also just not as cheery as normal because, well, she's in pain from her teeth. If that were the extent of what we were dealing with, I'd dance a happy dance. Eloise is overall still quite happy, but has suddenly fallen into some pretty erratic sleeping patterns. A few weeks back, we thought we were in the worst of the 4 month sleep regression when she woke maybe 2 times a night quite loudly, but then would calm down for me and go back to sleep. That was a cake walk compared to the last week or so. We are going on I-don't-know-how-many days of the worst sleeping patterns she's had since she was about a month old. Sometimes she wakes 3-4 times a night, with at least one of those times being VERY loud and taking anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half to get her back down. Other times she'll only wake once or twice at night, but be up for the day and ready to go at 5.00am. Sometimes, when the sleep gods REALLY don't like us, it's a mix of both. All of this would be slightly easier to deal with, at least on the weekends while at home, if she were a champion napper, but, of course, she's not. Every night, I go to sleep thinking "This is going to be the night that she kicks those bad sleeping habits." Then I wake up to her crying out an hour later and realize it's not happening tonight. And before you ask, yes, we are letting her cry it out. But when the cries are escalating after 30 minutes of this, it's not always the most feasible option to let it continue with a toddler in the next room.

Neither Dan nor I are great with diminished sleep. When it's days or weeks in a row of diminished sleep, well, I know I'm definitely not at my best then. I think we've done a good job of not taking our exhaustion out on each other. It would be so easy to start fighting about small things right now, but I think we both realize that it won't do either of us any good. At the end of the day though, I know I'm not as nice of a person to be around when I'm so tired.

I also feel like an absolute failure as a Mom when I'm like this. I'll get bursts of energy and use it to play with the kids after dinner, but the truth is, I. AM. EXHAUSTED. I make it worse for myself, feeling bad for even thinking that sometimes, I'd rather just not parent. I know it sounds terrible. It puts a pit in my stomach just writing it down. I signed up for this when we decided to have kids, ESPECIALLY when we decided to have them so close together. I should be able to handle it, right? I shouldn't complain about it because we MADE this decision. I should be happy that my kids are here, that they are overall happy, and that they are healthy, and I shouldn't complain about being tired, right? I feel like if I say too much, the world is pretty much just going to tell me this:

In no way is this a post meant to illicit sympathy or affirmations that despite my lack of sleep, I'm doing a good job. I know deep down that I'm doing a good job. This post is more for me to put it out there and hopefully help some other parents know that it's ok not to be perfect.

I know there are countless blog posts all over the internet about being "real" and how what you see on Facebook or Instagram isn't always the truth, or at least not the most accurate representation of real life. I totally agree, and I am guilty of posting mostly good stuff, where everyone is smiling and looks happy and well rested. I post far more happy photos than I do sad photos. But the reality of the situation is this: I'm not going to whip out my camera to take a photo of my kids crying (unless it's hilarious, like when Annie was crying because she Houdini-ed her arm out of her pajamas). I'm certainly not going to take a photo of my baby wide awake for the 3rd time that night at 3 o'clock in the morning while tears are streaming down my face because all I want to do is sleep (no joke, this was exactly me last night). I want to capture all of the happy moments. However, because most people out there feel the same, we have unintentionally created this pressure on parents to be perfect.

To achieve Super-Mom Status.

I am the kind of person that puts pressure on myself already, so I don't really know to what extent social media impacts me in terms of "measuring up." I'm sure it does impact me somewhat, but since I already have a tendency to put pressure on myself, it's hard to say how much. I just want to be the best mom that I can be, and if I'm not feeling the part on a particular day, or I'm internally upset with my baby (even though I know it's not her fault) because she's up 4 times a night, I feel like I've failed at parenting, because I should be able to be Super Mom. I suppose this is where social media comes in. If all the other moms out there are able to do it, why can't I? I mean come on, I work 40 hours a week outside the home, have 2 (very young) kids, a husband, 2 dogs, write a blog, cook dinner, and try my best to maintain the family calendar, etc., etc., Why in the world should I feel like I can't handle all that?

Sounds ridiculous when I put it that way, doesn't it? The sad thing about this whole view, is that I know for certain I am not the only Mom out there that feels this way. In fact, there are TONS of amazing mothers and fathers out there that feel the exact same pressure. So much so, that TIME Magazine recently wrote their cover story, Motherhood Is Hard to Get Wrong. So Why Do So Many Moms Feel So Bad About Themselves? about it. Their article focuses more on the pressure to have a natural birth and to breastfeed (which ironically, I didn't care about THOSE pressures one bit), but the overall concept remains the same.

Starting today, after crying for an hour in the middle of the night while trying to get my nearly 5-month old baby to sleep, I've realized I just need to stop chasing Super Mom status, and aim for Real Mom status instead. I saw this image and it really hit home for me:

I need to realize that I don't have to be the "Perfect Pinterest Parent." I am allowed to not be on top of my game ALL the freaking time. That I am all of the hot mess things mentioned above - emotional, tired, worried, impatient, overwhelmed, doubted, in chaos (so much chaos!). But that I am also all of the great things mentioned - a rock, full of hope, patient, not a quitter, amazing, wonderful, and most importantly, a life changer. I am changing my kids' lives every day, just by being a (mostly) present parent. It doesn't matter if our evening activities consist of Ellie sitting in her Jumperoo while Annie puts Frozen stickers on my face instead of some fancy art project. What matters is that I am there.

So to all of you Moms (and Dads!) out there that are struggling and exhausted, just remember this: You don't have to be Super, you just have to be Real. If just one person reads this post and cuts themselves some slack in the parenting department, then I will go to bed happy, even knowing I'll likely be getting up 2 hours later. We're all in this together, and even though it feels like there's no end in sight (I literally said this to my husband through tears yesterday morning), try to reach deep down into your nearly empty tank if you can, and remind yourself that it won't be like this forever.

It's OK to be a hot mess. Because you're also a Life Changer.

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